Monday, September 24, 2012

Humbled and Grateful

Every year my company awards employees in various categories of recognition. There is "Best of..." in each of the vertical businesses...."Best Display of Corporate Values" among others.  The entire list of employees eligible goes out to the company for nominations.  No one in upper management can participate...only peers.  Once the nominees are tallied, each category presents four folks up for the vote.  The winning candidate is chosen by their peers.  

This year, I was surprised to win the "Best of B2B" award.  For those of you who are wondering, "B2B" stands for "Business to Business."  The winners each receive an Apple gift certificate for an iPad, which is quite exciting for me, the technology geek who is too cheap to buy an iPad or Android tablet, though I've pondered buying one for quite some time.  I'm now planning my budget to accessorize my prize and, of course, a name for said iPad.

Winning this award not only surprised me, but humbled me...and caused me to be very grateful from a heart that grumbles more than speaks gratitude.  It was just about a year ago that my company was acquired.  I said good-bye to co-workers I'd worked with for years and built companies with and started on a journey that seemed quite unknown.  I rarely make it over the "acquisition line" and knew that nothing in this life is certain when it comes to jobs.  I began to ponder what my options would be and how I should navigate these new waters in a new world order.  I never would have believed that a year later I would be here.  But, God is good, and I am grateful.

Not only did I grow in my knowledge and lessons learned in my career, I've grown and learned so much in my personal life as well.  As I reflect back over the year, I see how God has been working in my life all along and yet, I never knew exactly what was happening.

A year ago my focus and thoughts were elsewhere.  I was preparing to face an impending change of employment.  I worked out all the scenarios in my head on how I'd proceed once I lost my job.  Well, I still have my job, and though nothing is guaranteed, I've weathered our acquisition, another large acquisition, loss of many co-workers (voluntarily and not so voluntarily) and a difficult layoff a month ago that caused a loss of both of my bosses and my counterpart.  I press on knowing that for this season, I'm where God wants me.  

What did I learn over this past year?  One of the lessons I learned (among so many) was that although I'd love God to come into my kitchen and write on my nice blank wall each morning every step I need to take, I really only need to trust Him.  You see, trust is a challenge for me.  Trusting people is hard because I've had many in my life not be so trustworthy.  Many times I transpose that characteristic unfairly to God.  He knows that, so He does things to stretch my faith to trust Him oh so much more.  Over the past year, I've prayed and begged God for "what's the next step here?" in many areas of my, service in His church, relationships, etc....and I've heard more often than not one phrase...."Trust Me."  Really, God?  It's that simple?  What He showed me was that if I devote my life to Him, pray, get in His Word daily, I don't need all the answers or all the steps that my little OCD planner heart longs for.  I just need to take one step at a time and my immersion in Him will guide my way.  Oh, my sinful heart may take steps in the wrong direction, but He will work it all out for His Good.  

As crazy and chaotic as my life has been over the past year, I feel very confident that I'm right where I need to be.  I wouldn't have put myself here in this place a year ago, but looking back at the journey, I have many confirmations I'm where God wants me for now.  So I'll enjoy the soon-to-come iPad prize and remember each time I use it that God is good and He can be trusted, even when my doubtful heart doesn't want to believe.  Humbled, Grateful and Blessed.

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