Last week was one of those weeks. You know the kind, where it's a never ending rollercoaster of one issue after another. By the end of the week, I left work on Friday and decided to get a RedBox movie and completely zone out on life. I zoned so much that I missed a school assignment. Thankfully, God provided grace through a professor that gave me a makeup assignment. But, last week is one I hope not to repeat any time soon.
In the past two years I've had a lot of loss in my life, and those times have been tough, but last week was different because prior to the events of last week, I knew what was coming. Our company suffered a corporate-wide reduction. Our division was the least impacted because we are the most growing part of our overall business, but we still lost four employees...one of which was on my team...and someone I'd had on my team for 3 years. When I was told the news in advance of the reduction, I had to begin planning. How would my team absorb her workload? How would I manage the remaining team's emotions? What is the best way to handle this for the departing employee to make a difficult moment as painless as I can possibly make it? On top of all this, I had to plan this out, still wearing a smile on my face and not showing any indication to my co-workers and team anything was changing.
The two days before were the toughest. I didn't sleep much. Turning my mind off was difficult. My team is like children I never had. I hurt when they hurt and they hold me up and are stellar in what they do. Losing one was going to hurt everyone. Not just emotionally, but many would carry more workload because of it. I could barely think of anything else.
The day came and the events went as well as could have been expected. My remaining team was in shock. Some were just sad. Some had survivor's guilt. All the while, though, they had to jump in and pick up the pieces to keep the business running now that we were a "man down." They handled it well. I was very proud.
In reflecting on this past week's events, I realized how grateful I am that I am not God. The world lives to be in control. We question what God is doing and we think we could do things so much better. As I traversed those few days prior to the event, knowing what would happen, I was part of (or overheard) conversations and knew how that would change in the coming weeks. In the big picture, management had to make this change for the overall good of the company. Doesn't mean it was easy or that even they wanted to do it. But they know the big picture. And reducing a workforce by a small percentage is better than having a mismanaged company that has to close its doors. Having that information was brutal.
When I went through the loss of my Dad, I didn't know that a month after he first had a heart attack in 2013, he would be gone. I walked a journey that was up and down, and God provided grace at every moment I needed it. But had I known when his last breath would have been taken, how much more burdened I would have been. I would have grieved during those days instead of enjoying that time with my Dad. Thankfully, I was not God.
You may think you'd be better off knowing what God knows. But, after spending a week with a little foreknowledge and dealing with the outcome, I'm very glad I am not God.