Ache

One of my favorite movie lines is from the chick flick, Return to Me. Bob Rueland, the character played by David Duchovny, lost his wife, Elizabeth, in a car accident and found love again in Grace, played by Minnie Driver. I'll avoid any spoilers, but if you love a good romance, check this one out. Bob's captivating line is "I miss Elizabeth. I'll always miss her. But I ache for Grace."

Everytime I hear that line I let out a feminine sigh. Oh to be loved so much that he aches for me! Recently I had a conversation with a great friend of mine about my singleness. She had passed along an article in hopes of encouraging me, but alas, it was one of my less than stellar days as a single. In thanking her for her well-intentioned act (probably no one other than my Mom who's gone on to Heaven wants to see me married more than this dear friend), I explained to her my longing to be married in a way that finally makes sense to me.

I ache to be married. It's a nagging emotional pain somewhere in the depths of my heart. Part of it comes from the way God created me to crave relationship and the other part comes from my taste of good relationships along my journey. Some days I feel the ache more than others and begin to question, "Do I not desire marriage anymore?"since my ache had dulled. And then while replying, an analogy dawned on me that worked and helped me realize, yes, Virginia, I still want to get married.

I have a chronic illness known as rheumatoid arthritis. Unlike the osteo version, this usually hits in your 20s and 30s and is an immune-based disease, not a wearing out of the joints. I was diagnosed quite a few years ago and have been treated for it to allow me to live a fairly normal life. Sure, I have my physical limitations, but for the most part, I do what I want. But, as part of this disease, pain is an everyday occurance. A day doesn't go by that I don't have some ache or pain in some joint of my body. Some days are better than others. The bottom line is, the RA doesn't go away, it's still there, just not as apparent on some days.

And then it hit me.

That's exactly how I can describe my longing for a mate. The ache is there, just not always apparent everyday. Not because it has left, but because I've learned to deal with it, much like my RA. If I focused on my RA symptoms on a daily basis, I'd not get much accomplished. And, some days, if I focused on my singleness everyday, I'd wallow in the mire of "woe is me."

Aches and pains are indicators that something isn't right. And, although I am complete in Christ, I know the marriage ache indicates my desire for relationship. My RA may never go away this side of Glory, but, if God blesses, maybe my marriage ache will.